129. Special Episode: Alice Wolf Escapes the Tower of London (Dressed as a Man), London, England 1534

By the time Alice and John Wolfe were executed for piracy, English pirates were no longer being executed by attaching them to a post on the banks of the Thames, at low tide, so that as the tide rose, they would drown, slowly in stages. No, by the 1500s, English pirates had special gallows, not just any gallows, no, gallows that, again, made use of the Thames tides, so that they would hang around not yet dead while the tide came in and then becoming dead slowly in stages. Because. They had committed their crimes on the water, so water had to be part of things. This illustration, from Heywood’s 1639 history of the pirates Purser and Clinton, shows their executions, in 1583. The Wolfes were executed decades before that, and 100 years before the woodcut, but you get the idea. We have no woodcuts of their execution.

True Crime Medieval once again visits the Early Modern era, because we cannot keep away from the story of Alice Wolfe (born Alice Tankerville), who led a very successful life of thievery and murder with her common-law husband John Wolfe, in the time of Henry VIII, and, too bad for them, Thomas Cromwell. Too bad for them, because Cromwell, who had way too many brains for his own good, was able to think up a way to try and convict the Wolfe couple for some thievery and murder they had been up to, even though they were in sanctuary at Westminster, that method being to have Parliament try them and convict them! Ta da! Parliament had been outgrowing its britches for some time, so it didn’t mind. And, since the thievery and murder (the last bit, that being the bit they got caught for) had occurred on water, they were pirates! Yes! Yes they were, so they got executed as pirates, and really one would do better to just be executed for common thievery and murder. It’s a great story! Also! The Donner Party and some James Bond Bunnies! Because Michelle.

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