83. Hugh de Lacy is Assassinated, Durrow, Ireland 1186.

There exists an early drawing of Hugh de Lacy, drawn by Gerald of Wales, but I am not giving you Hugh, but a view of Trim Castle as it currently exists, because the truth of the matter is that this episode has Hugh de Lacy in it, but he is an excuse for discussing Trim Castle. (Photo by Laurel Lodged)

Hugh de Lacy, one of the Anglo-Normans who was sent to bring order to Ireland (where the Anglo-Normans were having  a lot of trouble), was inspecting the military installation he was having built at Durrow (where St. Columba had previously built a monastery), when he was murdered by one of the Irish who wanted him dead, by being hit on the head with an ax. So there you are. There is your crime. We discuss this, yes we do, but really we are discussing Hugh de Lacy because he built Trim Castle, and Michelle really really really wanted to talk about Trim Castle. So she does. We learn a lot about Anglo-Norman castles, really. But Anne still wonders about where the best place to hide your murder ax might be, because under your tunic just does not sound right.

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82. Arthur of Brittany Disappears, Rouen, France c. 1203

Before King John actually disappeared his nephew, by killing him, or having him killed, by some unknown but often imagined method, he ordered Hubert de Burgh, the seneschal of Chateau de Falaise, where young Arthur was being held, to blind and castrate him. But Hubert just couldn’t do it. There are many depictions of Arthur getting murdered, on account of his youth and being all pathetic, but in the depictions of Hubert deciding not to mutilate him, Arthur is even younger and more pathetic, and so we provide this image for your delectation. (William Frederick Yeams, “Prince Arthur and Hubert,” 1882. Held at the Manchester Art Gallery.)

In 1199, when Richard the Lionheart died, there were two possible claimants to the throne of England — his younger brother John, and his nephew Arthur. John was a bit over 30 years old; Arthur was about 12. John, the youngest surviving son of Henry II, was by Norman law the rightful heir. Arthur, the eldest son of Geoffrey, John’s older brother, was by the laws of Brittany, the rightful heir. Also, John was in England and Arthur was in Brittany. Also, John was the person who was, well, John. Ruthless, is what he was. You can guess who it is who won, especially since you’ve already heard of King John and Arthur of Brittany sort of fell through the cracks of history. Except that the French really like him, and wrote a bunch of plays, and the Victorians loved him bunches because he was so pathetic. Michelle explains all that.

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81. Johannes Ryneken is Executed for Adulterating Saffron, Nuremberg Germany, 1444

In 1514, Henry VIII gave the town of Saffron Walden a charter, and the saffron that the town grew was so important that saffron crocuses show up on the left hand side of the charter. This has nothing to do with Nuremberg, or Johannes Rykenen, but Anne really loves Saffron Walden and so here we are.

By the 15th century, Nuremberg was making a reputation and a lot of money out of being the main saffron import location in Europe. So the town burgesses took it very seriously when spice merchants sold saffron that wasn’t fully saffron, but had various other things added to it. Very seriously indeed. So seriously that it was possible to be, as Johnanes Ryneken was, in 1444, executed for being a very bad spice merchant indeed. Anne especially enjoyed this episode, because she got to talk ALL about saffron, but Michelle was Quite Annoyed at the lack of scholarly citations. Also there was all that German. But there were some historical novels! With saffron!

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80. William de Marisco is Executed for Treason, London England 1242

Matthew Paris tells us the story of William de Marisco, and helpfully also provides illustrations — here, de Marisco is being dragged from Westminster to the Tower of London, July 24, 1242. This is from Paris’s Chronica Majora, which he finished in 1259, on account of no longer being alive.

The de Mariscos were a family that continually got into trouble, on account of continually misbehaving. When William de Marisco was executed at the Tower of London in 1242, it was ostensibly for attempting to have the king murdered, but since he’d also been pirating from the Isle of Lundy, and murdering messengers, he was going to end up being executed at some point anyway. Besides explaining the de Mariscos, we have two rabbit holes! Anne is fascinated by the Isle of Lundy, and Michelle is fascinated by Matthew Paris, and really, there’s a lot going on in this episode.

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79. Snorri Sturluson Is Assassinated, Reykholt, Iceland 1241

Here we see an illustration of Snorri, by Christian Krogh, from an 1899 edition of Heimskringla. Has anybody made an illustration of Snorri getting assassinated in his basement? They have not. Your host finds this annoying. But versions of Snorri himself — that we have.

Snorri Sturluson, the great Icelandic poet and historian and lawspeaker of the Althing, got involved in Norwegian/Icelandic politics, and it ended very badly. For him, for one thing, as the king of Norway arranged for 70 men to stab Snorri in his basement, and for Iceland as well, which devolved into chieftain battles and eventually unified with Norway, and the Norwegian king became the boss of everything. The Althing still exists, though, and Iceland is independent now, and Snorri is one of the most influential poets of the early middle ages. We explain all this. Anne still wonders why you need 70 people to stab somebody in his basement, and Michelle is shocked, shocked, I tell you, that there isn’t any historical fiction about all this, though she is slightly mollified by the fact that there is now a Snorri ap, for Android and IOS. Well, then.

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78. Special Episode: April Fool’s Debunking of the Myth of the Medieval Shame Flute

Here we have a lovely postcard, depicting the use of the medieval shame flute. Which didn’t exist. But it’s all over the internet! And there are two in museums! Alas, no evidence. But the postcards are nice! Also, Michelle fell down several rabbit holes.

If you go and peruse the internet, you will discover many discussions of the medieval shame flute, an instrument created specifically to be fastened to a bad musician, in order to shame him. There are pictures. There is a lot of certainty about this. Alas, it wasn’t there. Michelle went to find them, and, though there are a couple of torture museums which have examples, those are not medieval examples. In fact, do we think that there were ever any shame flutes, even after the middle ages? We do not. Because we think, really, when bad musicians come to your town, you can just make them leave. And then not hire them any more. Michelle found some pretty nifty postcards, though, with lots of shaming devices, and you can buy them.  And send them to your friends. 

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77. Diarmait Mac Murchada Invites the Anglo-Normans into Ireland, Leinster, Ireland 1167

Here we have a depiction of Diarmait, as found in Giraldus Cambrensis’s Expugnatio, dating from not long after the Norman Invasion. Unusual, really, for us, since most of our illustrations come from long after our subjects, and often aren’t of them at all. But here he is.

At the end of the 12th century, the kings of Ireland had been fighting amongst themselves, and the high king got involved, and what with one thing and another Diarmait Mac Murchada, who had been the king of Leinster, and then had been ousted, and then had gotten in again, got ousted again, and then had the very bad idea of getting help from the Anglo-Normans. And they did help, didn’t they, and then they took Ireland over.  This could have been foreseen by anybody who had been paying attention to how the Normans operated.  Diarmait, at any rate, got to be king again, though not for long, and then he got to live in infamy as a great traitor.  For the  Irish. The English liked him better. Michelle gets even more exercised than usual, because 1) colonialism, very bad, and 2) some scholars she found, also very bad. 

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76. Special Episode: Richard Walweyn Wears Padded Pants, London, England 1565

This isn’t Richard Walweyn, who was a servant in London; this is Lord Darnley and his little brother. Today, Lord Darnley is wearing padded hose. Which he gets to, on account of his high status. Later, he will marry Mary Queen of Scots. That won’t go well, but today he looks great. (Hans Eworth, 1563. Now at Holyroodhouse, Edinburgh.)

One day in London in 1565, Richard Walweyn was arrested for wearing the wrong pants, and put in jail until he could prove he owned some proper ones. And why were these the wrong pants? Cause they were puffed out, and he was a servant. Makes no sense, right? Nah. But in times of unease, people like to try to get everybody to wear the right clothes, eat the right things, buy the right stuff. Whatever those things are that year. We discuss sumptuary laws over time, we discuss the hell which would be More’s Utopia, if you found yourself living in it, and Michelle, bless her heart, found Italian Traveling Earrings.

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75. Crime Rise in the Great Famine, Europe 1315-1322

Stories of cannibalism, infanticide, and child abandonment in the Great Famine were rife then, and continue now. The crime rate rose, certainly, but the more lurid stories haven’t much evidence behind them. However. The child abandonment story came down to us as Hansel and Gretel. (Illustration by Kay Neilsen, 1925.)

In 1315, the crops throughout Europe failed. And then they failed the year after that. And then the year after that. It was raining.  And it rained and rained and rained. After that , it rained some more. One of the greatest natural disasters of the middle ages was the Great Famine, in which so many people of Europe died that the population didn’t reach the level it had been before the rain started until the 19th century. Naturally, the crime rate rose. That’s a fact. However, the cannibalism and infanticide stories, though they were very well known, don’t have any evidence. Despite Hansel and Gretel. So we figured there was a rise in theft, and a rise in piracy, but not widespread cannibalism.  Michelle found a very good book. And a very bad one.

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74. Dafydd Gam ap Llewelyn ap Hywel kills his kinsman Richard Fawr ap Dafydd, Brecon High Street, Wales late 14th Century

Davy Gam was born in Penywaun, near Brecon, where later he would kill a kinsman in the High Street. His father, Llewelyn ap Hywel, had bought an estate there. Here’s Penywaun! It looks different now.

Before Davy Gam got famous amongst the English for helping out at Agincourt and getting knighted, and being in general an acceptable Welshman on account of helping out the English and fighting Welshmen, he had killed a kinsman in Brecon, had fought under John of Gaunt, and had fought against Owain Glyndŵr, the leader of the last great Welsh rebellion and the last Welsh Prince of Wales. As you can imagine, a Welshman famous amongst the English for bravely serving them and fighting at Agincourt is not necessarily a Welsh hero. But! He gives Anne an excuse for talking about Owain Glyndŵr, and Michelle an excuse for explaining why John Powys is not as good an author as Tolkien. Also, we discuss how it is that families in an occupied country might well find themselves on different sides of a conflict. 

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