46a. In Which We Explain a Brief Hiatus
46. Battle Abbey Forges Charters, Sussex, England mid 12th Century
After the Normans conquered England, the pope sanctioned them, on account of how much slaughtering had gone on. So, being sanctioned, they were very sorry. Which is why William the Conqueror founded Battle Abbey, where the Battle of Hastings was. And when he did that, he gave the monks some special rights (mostly having to do with not being required to listen to the bishop), but they didn’t get written down, because nobody needed to; the king, after all, had said so. But time moved on, and written culture became the thing, so the monks needed a charter to prove the things William said. So they made some. About seven of them. They were very nice looking forgeries, but nobody believed them. However! There was a forgery ring running out of Winchester Abbey. Really. You can’t make this stuff up.
45. The Sack of Constantinople, April 8-13, 1204
From the middle of the 5th century until 1204, Constantinople was the largest, the wealthiest, the most sophisticated, the most important city in Europe. Then the 4th Crusade, which had intended to go retake Jerusalem, went to the center of Eastern Christianity and besieged it, sacked it, crippled it, and destroyed — for at least 800 years — the relations between the Roman Christians and the Byzantine Christians. None of this makes any sense, except that money was involved and people behaved badly. Michelle explains how Western scholarship has dealt with this major crime (it wasn’t until the 1950’s that it was described as a crime), and Anne explains the money. Follow the money.
44. King James Murders the Earl of Douglas, Stirling Castle, Scotland 1452
If you are an Earl, and you are sent a safe conduct pass to go talk to the King, you’re safe, right? You can go meet them, and calmly discuss that alliance you made with a couple of other noblemen, one that is not in favor of the king and his kingly position. Calmly, yes, and then you can go home. Unless it’s 1452, and you’re in Scotland, and you’re one of the Douglases, and the king is known for having a very bad temper. In which case you might get stabbed 26 times and thrown out a window. Really, given Scots history before that, one might have been able to predict that; noblemen getting stabbed despite their safe conduct passes is sort of a theme.
43. St. Columba Violates Nonexistent Copyright Laws and Starts a War, Movilla Abbey, Ireland 560
It’s very rude to copy books secretly whilst staying with one of your old teachers, even if you are very careful not to harm the books, and don’t use cheese sandwiches as bookmarks. That’s what we learn from this episode. Also that the ancient kings of Ireland liked to use cattle as examples of just about everything. And that the O’Neills were willing to go to war with the High King over a book. Michelle and Anne discuss the meaning of copyright law, which really has nothing to do with copying a manuscript in 6th century Ireland. Though to every cow belongs her calf, and to every book its copy. We guess. In good news, there’s no torture. Though there are some deaths — about 3,000, at the Battle of the Book. Darn.
42. Special Episode: Christopher Marlowe is Assassinated, Deptford, England, 1593
At the end of May 1593, the most important and influential playwright in England died at the age of 29. Rumor and gossip and a great many history books and literature collections would say, over the centuries, that he died in a tavern brawl. To be fair, his earlier history with drunken brawl involvement makes this plausible. But the evidence — or rather, the lack of evidence — given at the inquest makes it clear that he was being got rid of. Oh, besides being a writer, he was involved in Walsingham’s Elizabethan espionage net. There’s that. In this special episode, stepping out of the middle ages and into the early modern era, we discuss the evidence. Also Michelle has found some musicals. Yikes.
41. The Assassination of Queen Joanna of Naples, Muro Lucano, Italy 1382
Joanna of Naples had a hell of a life. There were unhappy marriages, there were murders, there were invasions, there was the Black Death, there was the Papal Schism, and there was a tangled ball of plots and tussles over the inheritance of the Neapolitan throne. At the end of it all, she was murdered and thrown into a well. And then she enjoyed hundreds of years of a Very Bad Reputation. But recently, scholarship has turned the tide! She was an excellent leader, who was beleaguered by a whole lot of men across Europe, though mostly in her bedchamber, who thought that really, women shouldn’t be rulers! Michelle gets quite passionate about this. And manages to convince Anne as well, though for Anne the jury is still out on whether or not she was in on the plot to throw her first husband through a window.
40. University of Paris Strike, Paris, France 1229
First some undergraduates got drunk over in a tavern, and then they didn’t pay, and so the townspeople beat them up. That was Shrove Tuesday. Fair enough. On Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, when they were supposed to be repenting and thinking about their sinful lives, the students got some buddies together and went and trashed the pub, beat up the taverner, and looted and trashed the nearby businesses. But the townspeople couldn’t do anything about it, cause the local law couldn’t do anything to the students, and the church wouldn’t. So the townspeople went to the Queen, who said the students should be punished. Which the town guards interpreted as a command to kill whatever random students they came across. Which they then did. And then the whole university got very mad and disbanded and everybody left town, and the townspeople had lots fewer customers than they had earlier. Well! That was Lent, 1229, Paris. A very holy time, as you can see. Oh, and by the way. The strike wasn’t the crime. All that Lenten hoohah was.
39. April Fool’s Episode: Ferdinand II of Aragon Abolishes the Droit de Seigneur, Extremadura, Spain 1486
Everybody knows that the Droit de Seigneur (the right of a feudal lord to sleep with a bride on her wedding night) existed. Except it didn’t. Why, then, did Ferdinand II of Aragon abolish it in 1486? Why indeed. We discuss this. Also we discuss the history of the first night myth. And Michelle explains why you should buy books when you see them, instead of waiting till later.
38. The Death of William Rufus, New Forest, England, August 2, 1100
One day the King of England went out hunting, and did not come back, on account of having been shot by one of his hunting companions. Henry, his younger brother, became King in just a few days, and there was no inquest. Nobody at the time thought anything of this, really, because dying whilst hunting in the New Forest was pretty common, but later, lots of people Got Suspicious. We discuss this. Also the fact that the Face of Lucca doesn’t really have anything to do with the Face of Bo.